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Models by Mark Manson

Models

RATING: 9/10…READ: November 20, 2012

A men’s self development guide. From defining your values, pursuing a career, dating, sex, and more, Models explores male masculinity today, post consumer and PUA culture.

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Notes:

Until you learn to trust your own actions and learn to pursue women with your own unique style and personality, you have learned absolutely nothing.

Emerson once wrote, “What you do speaks so loudly I cannot hear what you say.” Seduction is an interplay of emotions. Your movement or lack of movement reflects and alters emotions, not the words. Words are the side-effect. Sex is the side-effect. The game is emotions, emotions through movement. If you learn anything from this book, let that be it.

Studies show that women are equally attracted to men that they believe have the potential to be extremely successful as they do for men who are already successful.

-This would also explain why women find men who display great strength and skills to be attractive, even if they’re dirt poor. It explains why the starving artist has no trouble finding girlfriends to support him, and the college athlete can date super models even though he can’t afford a hamburger.

These are the three tenants of being a high status and a highly attractive man: treat others well, be treated well by others, and treat yourself well.

The new conclusion is that female arousal is somewhat narcissistic in nature. Women are turned on by being wanted, by being desired.

Here’s what I mean by neediness: being more invested in other people’s perceptions of you than your perception of yourself. Neediness plays out by people chronically investing themselves and their identities to receive validation from others around them.

going out and picking up dozens of women requires a LOT of time and effort, and one doesn’t put that much time and effort into sex with women if one isn’t seeking an absurd level of validation.

a guy who doesn’t derive his happiness and confidence in himself from how often he gets laid, isn’t going to be willing to put up with a highly neurotic, dramatic and emotionally unstable woman. It simply won’t be worth it. The little validation he receives from being with her will not be worth the headache she gives him.

My belief is that women have been naturally selected to choose high status men based on their behavior first, and then their looks and accomplishments second — as looks and accomplishments tend be reflected by high status behavior, not the other way around.

So the catch is that everything you say must be as authentic as possible. There’s no shortcut. There are no tricks. You say it because you mean it and mean it because you say it. The more nervous it makes you, the better, because it means you’re being authentic and making yourself vulnerable.

How attractive you are is based your non-needy behavior. Your non- needy behavior is based on how vulnerable you’re able to make yourself. And how vulnerable you’re able to make yourself is based on how honest you are to yourself and others.

You can say the lamest and grossest (or funniest, depending on your perspective) thing to women, and if the sub-communication is, “I really don’t care if you laugh or run away horrified, but here’s who I am, take it or leave it,” this sub-communicates a rock-bottom low level of neediness, and an incredibly high level of vulnerability.

That’s why I say it’s about being less invested than women instead of not invested in women.

You must become comfortable with the idea of being inexperienced and be comfortable admitting that insecurity if you wish to gain a lot of experience.

the reality of incompatibility defines our entire strategy of dating women. To base our strategy on anything else is inefficient at best and downright damaging at worst. The world is what it is, it’s our job to simply present ourselves as boldly and clearly to it as possible, accept the reactions and move on the opportunities. Anything else is a fool’s errand.

it’s guys with a lot of neediness who are willing to completely alter their personalities in order to seduce ANY woman.

Being hated by nobody usually means you’re not loved my anybody either.

Success = Maximizing happiness with whichever woman/women we prefer

The Three Fundamentals are: Creating an attractive and appealing lifestyle; Overcoming your fears and anxiety around women, and mastering the expression of your emotions and communicating fluidly.

If you’re afraid to approach a woman, it’s because somewhere in you you are more invested in her opinion of you than you are of yourself. If you’re afraid to ask a girl to come home with you, it’s because you are afraid of the sexual reality that you want to sleep with her — you’re more invested in her NOT rejecting you than you are in aligning yourself with your desires.

Honest Communication will determine the efficiency and in which you are able to seduce women as well as the compatibility of women you seduce. What I mean by efficiency to seduce is that a man with poor communication skills may have 10 women attracted to him, but because he can’t convey his thoughts and emotions well, he’ll only end up hooking up with one of them.

If your weakness is that you aren’t able to communicate coherently or empathize with what other people are expressing, then being encouraged to approach 500 women on the street is going to be an absolute disaster.

If you are broke, live with your parents, and have no job, then being encouraged to spend all of your time and money out in night clubs is only going to get you a bunch of meaningless sex with mediocre drunk girls who have no better options.

The idea is to become socially connected AND fearless at the same time AND have an awesome and attractive lifestyle. The full package. The Three Fundamentals.

DEMOGRAPHICS: It’s all relative. The key is to 1) recognize your personal interests and strengths, 2) play up those personal interests and strengths and 3) hone in on your target demographic.

The goal, as a man is to cultivate as much social status within your demographic as possible.

That’s why once you’ve narrowed down your demographic, you want to cultivate your connections and put yourself into as big of a leadership position as possible. Don’t just join the intramural frisbee team, start organizing it. Don’t just volunteer at a charity event, help find sponsors for it. Don’t just go hang out at a local night club, but become a promoter for it.

Part of living the honest lifestyle is to pursue what you’re passionate about to the fullest extent. If you absolutely love visiting art exhibitions, don’t just visit a bunch of art exhibitions, take an active role in the organization, start a meet up group to find other people who want to visit them, create a forum for commentary. Don’t just pursue your interests, become a leader in your interests. Don’t just choose a demographic of women to meet, dominate that demographic.

A beautiful woman will not necessarily make you happier than a less beautiful woman. Any sort of drive or need to have sex with the most beautiful women for the sake of sex with beautiful women and not for the sake of seeking joy, love and connection is a purely selfish endeavor. There is nothing “high value” about a really hot girl, it’s just that guys project their insecurities onto these women and think there’s something valuable about them.

Your life and everything that it encompasses, is a reflection of your emotional investment in yourself. And the more invested you are in yourself, the less needy you are with others.

Being sexual and being attractive, by its very nature, is controversial. You must be willing to do something that is going to make you stand out. You are going to have to be willing to risk people not liking you. You have to be willing to sacrifice some people’s approval in order to live life on your own terms. You have to be willing to polarize people’s opinion of you.

BECOMING HANDSOME

A makeover and wardrobe change can make meeting and dating women three times easier literally overnight. Not to mention all of the psychological side benefits of making you feel more confident, more interesting, more excited, etc.

Remember, your outward appearance is a reflection of your self- investment (or lack thereof).

Studies have found that whereas men judge the physical attractiveness of women based on physical dimensions and their body, women judge men’s physical attractiveness based on their clothes, grooming and body language.

You should ALWAYS know your measurements. If you’re not quite sure, ask to get measured.

Light Skin Tone – Light Caucasian, Light Asian:

The key is to avoid bright colors that will accentuate your light skin tone. Colors to avoid: Red, Orange, Yellow, Bright green. Pastels work well (light blue, earth green, maroon, etc.). Dark colors will never look bad on you.

Judge art based on its intentions, as well as its result

Women suffer from chronic indifference as well. In fact, what may happen — actually, what I hope happens to you — is you take the advice from this article, start applying it, within a year become a well-read, worldly, opinionated guy, and then you’ll email me because every girl you meet seems boring and plain suddenly. This is a good problem to have.

The resistance doesn’t go away. It just changes shape. Over the years anxiety morphs into apathy which morphs into arrogance.

Anxiety, almost by its very definition, represents a high-level of investment of your identity in the opinion of others. Again, why this happens, I don’t know. But let’s say you get scared to death to say anything when a beautiful girl sits down next to you. The fact that you’re scared to death demonstrates a high-level of investment and neediness in her opinion of you.

Intellectualizing also ends up having a backlash. Once you study a subject enough, it can actually increase your anxiety. By studying it so much you’ve put more pressure on yourself to succeed and therefore build up higher expectations for yourself.

To be more specific, let’s say you decide that all club girls are bitches. There may be legitimate problems you have and legitimate factors you could be improving. You may need to dress better, speak louder, stand up straighter, and be more confident and less invested on the approach. But the second you say, “See, club girls are just bitches,” you remove all responsibility for improvement from yourself. It’s a cop-out and a way of protecting the status quo and your current level of investment.

What’s recommended is that we learn to adapt our negative emotions into positive behavior. For instance, people with anger issues are encouraged to channel their anger through productive means — exercising, working, writing letters displaying their feelings, etc. To avoid or ignore the anger will only bring it back next time.

There’s no such thing as a man who is good with women who isn’t also creepy some of the time.

Feeling slutty is about sleeping with a guy who doesn’t care about her. If she doesn’t trust you or isn’t 100% convinced that you really like her and care about her, then she’s not going to do it. And if she does, then she’ll regret it and feel dirty.

Guys often ask me what my favorite “opener” or “pick up line” is. Literally 80% of my approaches begin with, “Hi, my name is Mark.” I’m not kidding. And they work. It’s all about how you approach her, not what you approach her with.

STATEMENTS VS. QUESTIONS

Instead of asking her a question about herself, you guess the answer to your question and then state it. Here are some examples:

“Where are you from?” translates to: “You look like a California girl.”
“What do you do for work?” translates to: “You seem to be a creative person. I bet your job is interesting.”

“How do you guys know each other?” translates to: “You guys look like you’ve been friends for a long time.”

These will sometimes come across as random. But that’s because they are – they’re whatever thoughts are popping into your head at the moment. It’s better to be random and interesting than predictable and boring. Don’t be afraid to just blurt something out.

This works because unlike questions, statements require no investment from the other person. You can say whatever you want and there’s no implicit expectation for her to generate conversation as well.

When you simply ask a girl questions, you aren’t giving any information about yourself, so it’s harder for her to trust you or build rapport. But if you simply state a fact about yourself and then talk about it, you are now sharing yourself AND giving her a chance to chime in with her input as well.

Beware of Self Deprecating humor: Instead of making fun of yourself, make fun of the girl you’re talking to. It may feel uncomfortable at first, but you’ll be surprised at how it will blow your interactions wide open and infuse more sexuality and playfulness into them.

The biggest trigger for arousal for women is being desired. And nothing says she’s desired like a guy trying to kiss her.

The most important habit to develop, by far, is to talk and be loud in the bedroom. There has to be an open forum of communication when you sleep with a girl, especially the first few times you’re together.

Goofy and weird moments are going to happen in the sack and most people are at their most insecure when they’re naked and lying under someone they just met a week ago. Have a sense of humor. Be understanding. RELAX.

Be open and honest. Communicate. The most important factor for good sex is how comfortable the two people are around each other.

ANXIETY: Think of it as having to make yourself more secure and comfortable around her until you’re able to have sex. I know it sounds lame, but it’s true. Slow things down, enjoy the foreplay more, and don’t pressure yourself to get to it until you’re good and ready.